Speaking Filley-Sophically

What’s in a name?  

Chad Filley

Guest Columnist

There was a recent proposal made in the Minnesota Senate that Asian Carps should have their name changed it offends people of Asian descent. This particular fish was introduced to local waters three decades ago and has since become a threat to native species. One newly suggested moniker for the fish was Invasive Carp.

Chad Filley
Chad Filley

Doesn’t this seem to be taking political correctness to the extreme? Although the Asian Carp is invasive I have never equated it with the likes of any Asian person, much less an Asian known for invading the masses like Genghis Khan. The Carp is just a fish that probably should have remained where it’s from, but as we know mankind just can’t leave things the way they are (Don’t forget that some homesick English woman brought dandelions to the United States). If Asian people are going to get upset then they should probably protest Asian Beetles (those annoying ladybug like creatures that live everywhere). Given the choice I would rather share a name with a fish than a bug that smells like rancid antifreeze when squished.

This so-called name change reminds me of a rival high school nicknamed the Redskins. I always thought this was horrible to have a school’s mascot named after the color of somebody’s skin. There were plenty of protests but it didn’t get changed until they made the high school football championship and were beaten the Palefaces. After that the school changed its mascot to the Huskies. You would think that would have been safe, but then a bunch of plus-sized people became upset with that name, and the protesting resumed.

Even my home state of North Dakota once fancied the idea of changing its name to Dakota. Some Senator thought that the state was losing out on the almighty tourism dollar because people were afraid of the North prefix. First off, is it a prerequisite for a Senator to have to have stupid ideas? Second, I rather doubt the name is keeping people out. Maybe it’s the eleven and a half month winter season, or better yet, it might be the butterfly effect. If you don’t know what the Butterfly Effect is, I’ll quickly explain it. It’s a theory that has been proven that if a butterfly flaps it’s wings in Western North Dakota then it will cause a chain reaction windstorm in Eastern North Dakota … Come to think of it there is no butterfly effect, it’s just plain windy in the flat prairieland.

Growing up in the mean streets of West Fargo (Fargo’s only suburb) made me tough. I was fortunate enough to become a member of one of the roughest gangs in the city … We were called the Lefse Boys. Our main rivals were the Lutefisk Brudders and the Krumkake Kids. Since all of the kids in our town were white we didn’t fight over things like race or even which part of Scandinavia we hailed from. We fought over which denomination of Lutheran we were. We kind of fancied ourselves as being part of the Modern-Day Martin Luther Wars.

Now that I’ve offended just about every group of people I can think of there will probably be some senator looking to make a “name” for himself (from either Minnesota or North Dakota) who will try to force me to change my name. Unfortunately, Benedict Cumberbatch is already taken.

Chad Filley is a local comedian. More information on his events can be found at www.chadfilley.com.