2012 offers plenty to remember

Chad Filley
Guest Columnist

Looking back at 2012 I’ve decided to comment on several observations I’ve made throughout the year.

1. Looking back I realize my father gave me some pretty good advice when I was in high school. Even though he never thought I was listening, I was. He once explained that if someone showed you a photo of their homely baby, then instead of lying to them and saying the child was cute, it would be better to tell the person “that’s a nice picture.” Didn’t think I’d ever have to use that advice at the time. Besides don’t all babies look like Winston Churchill anyway? Thanks for the save, dad. I’m sure glad I remembered what you said instead of asking to borrow the photo to rid our house of mice.

2. People who work in coffee shops are called Baristas. Looked up the definition in the dictionary which said a Barista is typically someone with a liberal arts degree.

3. After 135 flights the Space Shuttle made its last voyage in 2012. It’s kind of scary to think that two of those missions were fatal. Imagine if someone told you that you had a two out of 135 chance of dying if you flew in an airplane. Those odds even make the Ford Pinto sound safe.

4. Winter Weather Storms are now being named alphabetically just like Hurricanes. The Sunday, Dec. 9, storm that hit Minnesota was called Caesar. Other storm names include Gandolf, Magnus, Nemo, Rocky, and Yogi. Who names these? Imagine the headlines… Rocky knocks out the Upper Midwest… Children Found in Nemo…Yogi ruins Picnic.

5. Neither Tim Pawlenty nor Michelle Bachmann became President, thus proving that America may have better taste than some Minnesotans…Or maybe they’re just hoping Ventura will run.

6. Yoga pants became popular, teaching me that just because something is popular that doesn’t mean that everyone should wear them.

7. Stupid fads are alive and strong as Thousands of kids lined up to swallow a tablespoon of powdered cinnamon without water in less than 60 seconds. Unable to swallow the powder, the challenger spews out powder Old Faithful style. Despite warnings this could be fatal the prank only became more popular. Anyone remember Clove cigarettes back in the 1980s? Hopefully they leave Coca-Cola the way it is.

8. Pinterest gave us even another way to waste time on the internet. How did we manage before that one? Where else other than Pinterest can you can organize 100 different photos of chinchillas.

9. Kenny Rogers should sue his plastic surgeon. It’s hard to believe that anything can be stretched as much as his face has without tearing. (The previous word could mean either ripping or crying.)

10. Traveled to Seattle this fall and although I like it there I thought it was interesting that it has three things in large supply: rain, coffee shops, and homeless people. The streets are covered with coffee shops every block and homeless people camping in every nook and cranny in the city. Another thing that surprised me was how many of the homeless had dogs. If you can’t afford a home, how do you afford a dog?  My wife and I visited an animal shelter out there and found out that if you adopt a dog the shelter will throw in a complimentary homeless person.

One homeless man (with a lit cigarette in mouth) held a sign that read: I’m Ugly and I’m Poor.  I stopped and said, “You can’t be that poor if you can afford a cigarette.” He didn’t answer. “Why don’t you get a job at one of the coffee shops?” I pointed to several within walking distance.

He looked at me and said, “I’d love to, but I don’t have a liberal arts degree.”

Chad Filley is a stand up comedian from East Central Minnesota. You can see a listing of his upcoming shows on his website, www.chadfilley.com.